When she met her husband, Metrine was still mending a broken heart. Her first love, the man she met in her first year on campus and whom she dated up to two years after their graduation, was not only a drunkard but abusive. He turned her into his punching bag and because he was her first love, the man she lost her virginity to, she held on to this broken relationship until he knocked her up and gave her the one thing she doesn’t regret about that relationship—her daughter.
You would imagine that with the entry of their daughter, her boyfriend would think maybe it was time he changed his ways. But turned out he is not the guy you place in front of the camera and ask him questions about how fatherhood changed him because he has no inspiring story to tell. He continued beating her, occasionally threatening to kill their daughter. One day he took their baby to a pub and showed her off to his fellow drunkards like you would a trophy. Metty’s male friends came together and after minutes of foreheads touching and whispering, they decided to corner her boyfriend and proceeded to give him a beating of his life. From there on, he never touched her again. But even that was not enough to keep her in that relationship. She left.
One evening, after a busy day of fieldwork, she and her colleagues decided to go and unwind in a club. Metty noticed a guy and because she was tipsy, she started chatting him up. They were seated on the stairs when a male colleague showed up and without a word to any of them, scooped and carried her to her room. She begged him not to leave her alone and so he stayed. They spend the night with him holding a basin for her as she threw up. The next day he spent the night in her room, spooning, kissing, and then sleeping.
Smiles here, flattering words there, and soon they were a thing. He was a nice guy. A potter, if you may, because he collected all her broken pieces and mended them together. He was good with her daughter, and that earned him more than enough Bonga points. Feb 2013 she got paged. June 2013 he drove a tribe of goats to her father’s compound. The heavens were smiling at her and she was beginning to believe in love again.
But as soon as the baby came, Mr. Romantic walked out the door and in came the bad guy. It was as if she didn’t know him anymore. Rave all night. Earrings in his car. Condoms in his bag. When she snooped on his phone, she found damning messages and photos of girls he was shagging. It was as if he was possessed because everywhere she turned evidence of his philandering stared right back at her. And the worst part? He didn’t even stop to come up with a good excuse.
When asked about the condoms he said, “I picked them up in the office because they looked pretty.”
“Oh yeah? What about the earrings?”
“Those ones? I gave my jamaas a lift. One of them must have dropped them in my car.”
“Is any of your friends gay?”
She didn’t need him to confess that he was cheating. He obviously was. But despite all this, she still went ahead and asked for a wedding.
“Why?” I asked.
“How I saw it was that one day I was going to leave him and since I had kids with him, it was only right that my kids got something from him for their future. I was earning more money than him when we met but now, he was making more because promotion after promotion kept knocking on his door.”
“Did the wedding come?”
“Yes. In 2015.”
“Knowing what you knew, didn’t the vows leave a bitter taste in your mouth?”
“I was drunk throughout the entire thing.”
Things continued going south after the wedding. She developed ulcers. Sunk into depression. All she ever heard from her friends and colleagues were about her husband’s philandering ways. He wasn’t beating her like her first love used to, but he hurt her all the same. It was hard to imagine this was the man her father had nodded his approval to when she took him to meet them.
One day she dressed up nicely for an office party. When she entered the room all the men gave her a standing ovation. Her ass took all the credit for this. They started drinking and when a bitter taste developed in her mouth, she walked to this new guy and asked him if he had gum.
“Just what I am chewing,” he said.
He kissed her and passed her the gum to the dismay of one of their colleagues who for some reason couldn’t shut their mouth. Later that night they went to the new guy’s car and kissed some more. She asked him if he was married and he says yes. She shrugged, it’s just a kiss anyway, isn’t it? At around five in the morning, she asked him to drop her home but he dropped her at his place because his wife works at a different town.
“Before I knew it, the guy and yours truly are saying, ‘Spank me harder!”
“Wait, he also wanted to be spanked?”
She laughed. “No, just me.”
“But though I was partly drunk, I had still wanted to revenge, even if just for a night, and so I hated myself for it. I cried a lot. Hated going to work. And when I, later on, met his adorable wife, I hated myself even more for what I had done.”
“The wife, where did you meet her?”
“Because I became inseparable from this guy, we used to go out all of us like one big happy family.”
“As in, you and your hubby, and him and his wife?”
“Yes. Many times. Then I realize that this is more than a fling because the booty calls kept coming. The guy was into me and myself was in need of a new guy. I needed to feel attractive again seeing as my self-esteem in my marriage was at zero. The guy would call me from outside my gate and out we would go. When my car was in the garage, he became my ride to and from work.”
“What about hubby? You worked in the same company.”
“Different stations. So, the new guy met my kids and my nieces and they were crazy about him. Once, he bundled them in the car and took them to coast.”
“How did this fly under your hubby’s radar?”
“He’s a workaholic. No time for family vacations. I remember telling him that I wanted to go to coast and when he said he was busy, I told him the new guy would drive us since his shags is in coast and he was driving down there.”
“But the thing is I had told him we are good friends with this new guy and that nothing would ever happen between us. I had even assured him that should he come at me, I would end the friendship there and then.”
“So, we went to coast. More vacations followed. More booty calls. Road trips. Outings. Before I knew it, I was in it too deep.”
“This went on for how long?”
“Three years. This man was heaven sent. He came to my life when I was at my lowest. He gave me a reason to live. He woke me up after three years of sleepwalking in my marriage. I was literally parenting alone. He came and blended into my life and practically did everything for me. My child would fall sick and he would be at my house. When I fell sick, he came over to cook for my kids, help them with their homework and tuck them in bed. My husband became the other guy and I and the new guy would only be apart during the weekends. I was a lovely person when with him and my parents and siblings loved him.
“They knew him?”
“Yes. But not as my side guy, though they all must have suspected that something was going on. They simply never asked.”
“All this time, where was your husband?”
“Working in a different town. When he realized that I and the new guy were too close, he started acting nice. Treating me well. Showing me love and affection. He was suddenly free to go to coast but I wasn’t. Was too busy with my side guy. He didn’t suspect anything, or so I think, but his family and friends knew. They called him to report me but he told them off. He was sure I would never cheat on him. And you know what? I stopped hating my husband because I was too happy to be sad or concerned about him.”
“I am curious about the other guy’s wife. His marriage. Did you guys talk about it, now that you had met his wife? Was he happy in his marriage?”
“He was happy. They were happy. He didn’t cheat because he was unhappy, we were just too good together. It was God’s way to keep us happy, which is weird because God hates adultery but this? It wasn’t just adultery; it was with a purpose… it was bliss.”
“Would you walk away from your marriage to be with him?”
“In a heartbeat. If he wasn’t married and I had no kids, I wouldn’t think twice. We toyed with the idea, once, but knowing the drama it would come with, it wouldn’t work now. I called it off after three years because I wanted a baby and my husband was now behaving as a husband and father should. My marriage is better now, but not what I always dreamed off. That affair was the marriage I never had and I am grateful to God I got happiness, even if it was short-lived.”
If you are a married woman who is, or was, unhappy in your marriage that you had to look somewhere else for happiness. I would love to meet up to for your story. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org