Msonobari Village. Nyumbani kwa mama. A village with long windy dusty roads. Or muddy when it rained. A village masked with old corrugated rooftops, except for a few belonging to the elite class (ahem, including yours truly). A village hosting the exclusive Msonobari Bar, where the who is who of Msonobari came to close deals. A village where everyone paused to greet the other when they met, exchanged a few gossips because gossip was what breath life into Msonobari, before continuing with their journey.
Oh, I loved that place. And the fact that I influenced decisions as far as matters of importance were concerned made me love it even more. Had Madam Anne known this, she wouldn’t have dared me and Steve to do our worst. So as you might have already guessed, she bore down to pressure and stepped down as the official side dish of the one and only bwana Chief. And chief was full of praises for our efforts, by the way. More importantly, it all went down without affecting my marriage. The love of my life, Tabitha, and the other love of my life, Natasha, were solid beside me -all the time.
Things couldn’t get worse. Or so I thought.
Life was going on as usual after we proved to madam Anne that the biggest mistake a man, or rather a woman, can ever make in life is to pick a battle they surely know they will lose -Luckily for her, we chose to be economical with the truth and Chief was still supporting her financially. All was going on well until one evening, dressed in a traditional kitenge, which went a long way to show a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman regardless of what she puts on, Delilah showed up in my office and from the look of things, something was bugging her.
Something disturbing was crawling beneath her beautiful skin.
At first, I wasn’t sure whether to stand up and hug her (because I feared I might feel something if I touched her) or simply extend her a handshake. But then because the devil is a liar and is always trying to bring the mighty king down, I found myself shuffling from behind my desk and embracing her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and intentionally pressed her breasts closer to my chest. A man will always be a man, so I took a few seconds to enjoy the sweet feeling of her knockers brushing on my chest before stepping back with curved lips.
“Karibu,” I said, “to what do I owe this surprise visit?”
She twitched her eyes, “You mean you can’t allow me to sit down and feel comfortable before starting with your questions?”
“Forgive me,” I walked back to my seat, “How is everyone at home?”
A dark shadow crossed her eyes when I asked this. I could tell that that question had triggered some sort of emotions in her and in a quick move to brighten things up, I asked if I had asked something wrong.
“Not really,” she whispered, “Just that I am going through a rough patch in my marriage right now.”
“I feel like things between me and Prof have hit a dead end.”
I did not follow up her last statement with another question. No, I simply stared at her in silence. A contemplative kind of silence. Until she asked me if I was okay.
“Sure I am,” I said, “So what seems to be the problem between you and your husband?”
“I wouldn’t even call him my husband. Not since he failed to get me pregnant and now that he barely touches me.”
Another silence. I had a feeling this was not going well and it would not end well. I had the option to tell her I was the wrong person to tell her problems but at the same time, I did not want to come across as an insensitive guy. So I swallowed hard, shifted uncomfortably in my chair and asked the most stupid question I could ask at that moment.
“Touch you as in?”
She rolled her eyes.
But then I stared at her intently to show that I needed an answer and she had no option but to succumb.
“As in he no longer gives me my conjugal rights.”
“Have you tried demonstrating with a placard?”
“I am sorry that things are not working out but I am afraid I can’t help you with this.”
“Actually, you can.”
“Yes. I want to divorce him.”
“Uhm, and you want me to act as your attorney? You know I have never stepped foot in any law school.”
She chuckled, “I am serious doc.” she always called me doc and that made me feel special. So I couldn’t help it but break into a smile and candidly ask how she thought I could be of help.
“I would love you to support me raise our twins.”
“Look,” I had begun to say when we heard a loud bang on the door, which was unusual. No one ever banged on my office door. In fact, no one ever banged on any of my doors. And it was so because everyone knew who I was and what I was capable of. So I quickly stood to my feet and walked to the door to check what kind of species was there. And this species, ladies, and gentlemen, was none other but Prof’s mother. She was frothing at the mouth and mumbling things I could only imagine were cursing and did not even care to offer any greetings or apologies for banging my door.
“Nilijua!” she shrieked. her voice was so thin and so sharp it pierced through the office walls leaving them with holes.
“Uhm, ulijua nini?” I was the reasonable guy here so I maintained my cool.
“What are you doing to my son’s wife?”
“Mmh, what your son is not doing to her,” I almost said but that would have invited another shriek which would have brought down the walls and then I would have needed a pay bill number to set up a new office. So instead I said, “Nothing!”
She squeezed her way past me and shadowed the whole room with her venom. But Delilah was not startled. She simply lifted her eyes to look at her, crossed her legs, and then her arms and proceeded to stare away from her like she did not even exist.
“I have been hearing rumours that you two have been sleeping together,” the old woman continued, “And I knew it was only a matter of time before I catch you.”
I was confused on what to do for a moment and when I tried to approach her and maybe make her see some sense she screamed at me, “Do not touch me with this your adulterous hands.” And then she looked at Delilah, pulled her lips up to Kapenguria and then quipped, “And to think you are the mother of my grandchildren…”
“And who exactly are your grandchildren?” Delilah sprung to her feet, “Did your son lie to you that he can impregnate a woman?”
Everything I had tried to avoid all my life suddenly came rolling back to my door. I watched in fear as Prof’s mother’s eyes turned all shades of red. The statement Delilah just made stung her, and I could tell she was not going to take the sting lying down. And whatever was going to happen, my life would never be the same again, the whole village would know that I was the father to Delilah’s twins and that Prof’s bullets were harmless. This was trouble, and by the time the old lady asked, “What?” I knew that question was a build up to World War 3 but I did not care for the war, I only cared about what was going to happen once the word went out.